Digging In

It starts as a small word deep down.  A mere utterance. One I have to place in front of me, reach out and latch onto.  


Barely there. I have to dig down for it.


Because the things -all the things- they come from the left.  They come from the right, from the front and from the back.  From every corner they come to invade the space in my mind and in my heart.


They are all around waiting.  They are loud and demanding. Sometimes they are deceptively quiet and insidious.  There, all the same.


They will be waiting when I return, but I know from experience, they will look different. The giants ready to be slayed.


So, here, now, in this space, I dig.  


God. Find me here, I whisper, until my voice becomes steady. Stronger.


The light grows brighter and the words become affirmed in their stamping on my soul. 


His presence meets my rising.


The love seeps through the cracks and fills the gaps.  The parts of me that are dormant awaken and stir to life, greeting a Father who is always waiting.  


And His warmth wraps me up, fills me to my core, covering the areas that are exposed and vulnerable.


He, a beautiful Father.  I, a daughter of a King.  What an unimaginable truth.


The two of us walking this thing out, He so much stronger than my human brain can comprehend.


Sometimes His presence fills me to overflowing, and I feel the tears before I know they are coming.  An unplanned outpouring of gratitude, too much to be kept inside.  God, how can I thank you enough?


His love abounds in measure.  His redemption forever present.  His gentleness in handling the painful pieces, carefully putting them back together.  His faithfulness unquestionable.  His hands scarred for me.  His body broken on my behalf.  His voice gentle.  Always.  His eyes lovingly on me, never missing a moment. 


His great love for my children breaking me to pieces.  The absolute beauty of the gift they are enough to drop me to my knees.


And His love for the smallness of me in the vastness of it all does something words can not fully describe.  It fills me from my toes to the crown of my head.  His presence undeniable in this life.  I look around, and my spot here in this thing called eternity is affirmed over and over. 


Never let me lose sight of what You do- what You have done.  Never let me be too busy to carve out this space where You and I find one another.  Never let the world be too loud for me to miss Your whisper. 


It ends with a knowing.  An affirmation in my spirit.  You, the God big enough to carry it all, chose Me.  And the eyes of the one on this page, well, He chose you too.  He chose you.  His love bigger than we can comprehend. 


The things of this world are here still, but their significance changed, because I am not alone in carrying them.  


I leave this space full, and for a moment, the world stopped spinning and my cup was filled by the God of the universe.  Beautiful Father, how my heart bows before You.


~Kalan






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